I’ve always struggled with my confidence. It seems to come in different forms as I’m growing as a person. I am confident around people, whereas I never used to be at all, I would shy away from opening up to new people because I was scared I would say something wrong or embarrass myself.
I have continuously had a love hate relationship with my appearance, these insecurities include issues with my body image, my skin (I have quite a bad eczema problem at times) and my overall appearance. I seem to be heading in the right direction with this now. And I now understand that it isn’t only me that feels this way, a lot of people do. I have touched on the problem with confidence and the Media’s selfish way of making us feel like we need to reach the ‘ideal’ look in this post about feeling confident makeup free. It is so important to try to remember we are all individuals as we should be – if we all looked like the ‘ideal’ the world wouldn’t be interesting. We should celebrate our differences, not condone them.
It’s not always been about my appearance either, I have struggled with myself personality wise. I am not sure why this is. I can take a guess of it possibly relating back to past experiences with people that meant a great deal to me who didn’t feel this way in return or people who made me feel like I wasn’t worth their time. But sometimes it can literally just be anything. I don’t really know how I came to feel so down about myself but the best thing I found to do was to talk to people about it. I eventually came out of my shy little shell. I can thank university for this more than anything. Being thrown in at the deep end at University helped me to realise that everybody is truly different. You aren’t going to like everybody and not everybody is going to like you, but that’s okay because there will be people that you do like and for every one person that doesn’t like you there will be five that will.
Since high school I have literally gone from being a shy little girl in the corner who wouldn’t even dare speak a word to anyone, to somebody that doesn’t only just chat to everybody she meets, but actively wants to meet new people and form new friendships. Even though I have come a long way with my confidence, I still have doubts about myself. For years people have been telling me to do YouTube videos and for years I have convinced myself that I’d never be good enough and people wouldn’t like me. Why would people want to watch me blabber on behind a screen? How embarrassing would I be chatting to a camera? Why would anybody care about what I have to say? Well I’ve stuck two fingers up at the old me and I’ve finally started YouTube! It has taken me a while to upload it (both v bad internet and also just me being a wuss) but I have done it. I am so proud of myself!!
I have done a few videos before with George in Berlin but nothing like this… totally me on my own sharing what I do for a week. I would really love if you were to have a watch and let me know what you think!
I have filmed a few more, I just need to edit them now so hopefully they will also be up on my YouTube channel soon. I am so happy with my little self that I have actually done it. I’ve always wanted to but never had the guts to do it. And it has made me realise how far I have come. If you are reading this and you also have troubles with your confidence, especially if you are young – don’t worry, it will come to you eventually! I never thought I’d be able to walk around in public completely happy with my appearance without makeup on, and I never thought I’d be able to post videos of myself online for the world to see. But I’ve done it. And I feel amazing for it! Things do change, people change and people grow with time. Especially when they are surrounded by positive people. Thank you to everybody who has encouraged me to do this (there are more than a few of you out there).